June 2008 Archives

I knew I would be going with the kids and my mother-in-law on a little vacation, but I expected to take some work with me.  I did take my laptop and some paper work I need to do.  But wouldn't you know it.  I couldn't get the wireless to work, and by the end of the day I was nearly too tired to think clearly.

Sometimes you have to take time off for what it is. TIME OFF.

Of course, my maternal on-duty sign is stuck in the on position; that's to be expected.  After all, the vacation was something more for the kids -- amusement park, go carts, bumper boats, too much sugar.  Summer vacations are usually for kids, designed to give them something to look forward to and to have something to say they did this summer when they go back to school.  In the next couple of years, I hope to do something a little less conventional and a lot more memorable.

My time off came in the form of not having time or energy to put toward my external commitments.  No blogging, no e-mailing, no calling, no writing, no organizing, no cleaning, and no cooking (well, those last two fall under the maternal hat and the break from which I am grateful!).  I gave my kids nearly 100% of my attention, and I notice that while they didn't act much differently, by the end of the day and the end of the vacation, I notice a difference.

I'm the type of mother that has to do more than just mother my children.  My commitments also lie outside my family and mostly nurture myself.  Call me selfish if you will.  I'm okay with that, especially if it means that during the time I am focused on my kids it makes me a better quality mother.  Consider your commitments, the quality of your mothering.  What makes you a better mother?  Do you need time to step back and evaluate?  What best rejuvenates and nurtures you?

So, after a bit of time away, I come back to my laptop, my pile of notebooks and am ready to get re-centered and aligned.  I have some organizing to do today . . . after the phone calls, grocery shopping, lunch and vet visit, of course, yet before an evening meeting.

All in a day's work for a stay-at-home-mom.

When I was younger, my mom didn't like to be called mother.  She said it reminded her of Mommie Dearest.  It makes me smile now, not because it's funny but because I truly understand.  Not everyone can relate, but I know there are many who can.  A mother's greatest fear can be that of harboring anger toward her children, being out of control, going off in a fit of rage against those she loves most dearly.

Fortunately here in the States, we have Social Services to help children in violent situations.  Fortunately the number of counselors and psychologists abound, as well as help lines and forums.  But most of these come around after the action has been done.  Shouldn't we be focused on prevention?

We're still on summer break, of course, and my kids are testing my patience daily.  While I'm not about to reach for a wire hanger, there are times when I wonder about it's effectiveness.  Why do I even have to wonder?  Why do I get to a point of seeming desperation?  What does it take to get some cooperation?

Then I remember why my children are my children.  They are my teachers, too.  They show me the side of myself that I do not see or will not see.  Each time I reach out to them with compassion instead of yelling at them in anger, I've taken another step, set another positive example.  Each time I do act in anger, I take two steps back, for now they have a negative example which seems to make a greater impression than the positive ones.  Now I will have to face the consequence of them using the same behavior with others.  (Of course, I'm not about to take accountability for all their actions; I really don't know where this stuff comes from sometimes!) Such great mirrors children are.  They're here to help us learn, and the best way to learn is to practice.

I would like to say that I've completed the practice sessions and that it's all smooth sailing now, but that isn't the case. The good news is that I am aware of what is going on, I am conscious of our behaviors and tendencies.  I can see them building, see them coming.  It's a good place to practice mindfulness.

This is a side of parenting that a lot of people don't talk about it open conversation.  It's a darker side, I suppose, because it's a darker side of human nature.  But our true nature is not to hurt others in any way, shape or form.  We are here to love and support each other, and I believe that with our children, this should be most obvious.  Perhaps that's why it can be the hardest, because it is so simple.

Remember that what hurts a child doesn't have to be given with force.  Glaring, ignoring, degrading, humiliating are all hurtful.  One or two words.

Love yourself truly, wholly, deeply, and then pour forth that love to others.  Your children will love you for it, and you will be the dearest mommy in the world . . . you already are.

For your craftiness today, I'll share a couple of tips you may already know.  Both involve good old-fashioned reusing and will help save you some time.

Simplify your garden chores by reducing the amount of weeds with newspaper, preferably black and white only and no slick ads.  Some people are fond of lasagna gardening.  While I think it seems like a great method, I've taken a different approach and just put newspaper down beneath the straw.  This way, if the co-op gives me hay instead (like they have twice now -- "fool me once . . ." ), at least the grass that grows isn't as embedded in the soil as it is when there is no paper underneath.  Consider it a biodegradable alternative to the weed barriers out there, and be sure to add more regularly.

If you're head-long into organizing like I was last week with my friend here to help me and need some baskets or magazine holders, just use a cardboard box or shoebox.  Take a box-cutter (or scissors) and trim the box down to the size you want, angling downward to make it easier to get into and out of.  I have a few of these revamped boxes in one of my cupboards now, holding the small miscellanies and larger folders, keeping everything orderly.  Don't forget to label if you end up closing the box.  (Thanks, Patricia!)

Feel free to share your own helpful tips and hints, especially if they're so cost effective that they're free!

I watered the plants one day last summer, for they didn't look like they could wait any longer for the rain that promised to come any minute but hadn't for days.  Little sprinkles just don't quench a great thirst, though, any more than little pecks of a kiss give justice to great passion.  So I watered the plants.  Within 15 minutes it was raining and continued to rain on and off for most of the afternoon.  I joked with my kids that I watered the plants just so it would rain, kind of like washing the car to make it rain.

Almost as much as the plants needed water, I needed some fresh air.  We had turned on the air conditioning just a couple of weeks before, so the home was sealed off from the natural flow.  As good as it is to keep the humidity off our pictures and portraits, there's something to be said for being in tune with nature as the temperature and humidity rise and fall.  I was grateful for my fresh air that morning  and enjoyed the once limp flowers rising tall again.

As for the rain barrels that provide the water for my watering cans, they were overfull when I began my chore.  I should have known they would be filled again soon.  With our summers around here, though, you never know if it's going to rain for a week or come a drought.  I shouldn't have worried. 

As with all things, if we hoard or collect, we can become stale and stagnant.  It's much better to be useful and beautiful in due course and then be renewed when the time comes. 

I remember the story of the proud Zen student asking the teacher why he hadn't experienced enlightenment, especially since he knew so much about the ways of a good monk.  It was tea time, and the teacher poured the student some tea as he listened.  And he kept pouring.  The cup was overflowing, and finally the student asked the teacher why he didn't stop.  The teacher asked how he could teach when the student's mind, like the cup, was so full.

Hopefully I didn't completely destroy the beautiful story, for it is one of my favorites.  (If you enjoy good, quality dharma talks and Zen stories, please visit Zen Reflections.)  I think of this story, though, when I feel like I'm all used up, when like the flowers and plants, I'm wilted.  It's not entirely a bad thing.  When the rain comes, when the energy returns, the sense of vitality is incomparable, the possibilities endless.  Best to use while it's fresh and make room for more than worry about what may or may not happen, wasting what is already at hand.  Plus, I'd hate to miss an important lesson, not able to catch it because I thought I already had enough.

May your days be fresh and fruitful.

 

I daresay that none of us would put a monetary value on our family.  The truth is that our family is invaluable, but how often do we take them for granted?  Not only do I mean our immediate family but also our extended family.  When was the last time you gave thanks for each person and truly thought about all you have to be grateful for?

On this, my 100th post, I simply want to encourage you to think about who you consider family, think about your role in the family and give thanks for everyone in your family.

And to my own family, my husband and children, parents, brother, brothers- and sister-in-law, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, old friends and new friends, thank you for all that you bring to my life.

When the to-do list is cresting higher than ever, the mess ever-spreading and the budget going downhill, you have to call in reinforcements.  I pray you have some near you!  It's also a great time to think outside the box, get creative and, above all, keep a positive outlook.  One slip on the steep, slippery slope of negativity and it's a lot harder to climb back up.  What do you need from others?  What do you have to share?

I have received several e-mails from an acquaintance, soon to be friend, offering her services.  She strives toward right livelihood and seeks to share her gifts with others.  Every time I read an e-mail, I would think, "I would love your help, but I can't afford it."  That's not the energy I seek to send out to the Universe, but it's what I did.

Until today.

I replied to her latest e-mail, telling her I wanted help but didn't have financial means to pay her.  Perhaps we could trade?  BINGO!

And, as destiny would have it, another friend called today.  I have services to offer her family.  She'll trade for babysitting my kids.  Wahoo!

My house shall be decluttered, and I will get time to myself when needed.  The cost is negligible, and the growing friendship and trust invaluable.  Remember that it's never too late to make new friends, that often others are seeking authentic relationships, too.  The bonus is that you both benefit from each other.

Consider your gifts.  Yes, you have many.  What do you truly love to do?  Are there others who can benefit from your talents?  Share them.  Share them widely and broadly.  Don't hide your talents away, for the only way for them to grow is by nurturing them, giving them the value and attention they deserve.  But also don't forget that your gifts come from a Source greater than we can comprehend, so be grateful.

We are all richly and abundantly blessed.

Today marks Day 1 of my Master Cleanse.  I promise I won't carry on about it, but if I need an outlet, I might add some in the comments sections here.  I mentioned before that I was considering a cleanse.  My body has been giving me cues that I need to do something.  Just as with my house, I need a drastic makeover . . . or, rather, a start-over.

The most challenging part will be cooking for the family while I drink my "lemonade," preparing snacks while I drink water, facing meal times with my glass and watching the rest of my family eat.  To get everyone to the table, we have to sit together.  Chaos ensues if one person gets up.  (Think of The Breakfast Club -- "If he gets up, we'll all get up.  It'll be anarchy!")

Sometimes we have to take drastic measures for our benefit.  My kids have lost all their toys before and got back only half.  They never missed the other half.  I need to seriously consider my personal habits and decide which I need to keep and which need to go.  I need to do the same for all the stuff hidden in my kitchen cabinets.

In the end, I'll have a new perspective and a new lesson learned.  In the meantime, I'll have lots of time to do other things while I'm trying not to think about food.

Remember back in February when we made some homemade laundry detergent?  I promised I'd make the gel variety, and the time has come.  A trip to the local grocer to pick up some more washing soda, and the kids and I will be on our way to making a big bucket of goo.

The recipe comes from The Simple Dollar, and it uses the same ingredients as the powdered variety.  The process differs, though, and since it makes a larger batch (you need a 5 gallon bucket with a lid), you won't be making it every week as with the powdered version.  (More comments and photos to come . . .)

While we're on topic of "green" living, please check out 350.org.  Have you checked out your own carbon footprint? Like I've said before, we all have a role to play in protecting our earth, and often it's better for our budgets, too.

Everything and everyone are "going green" these days, or so it seems.  I think this is great, don't get me wrong, but in the haste to get on the eco-train, I believe some quality may be getting left behind, the truth getting stifled along the way.

To illustrate, take an issue a couple of years ago.  Stuck in as a rider to the 2006 Agricultural Appropriations Bill (a bill for which most congresspeople won't vote against) is a section that includes a lowering of the standards for organic certification.  At the same time, the Organic Consumer's Association was warning the organic regulars about the issue, warning that corporations were supporting the bill so that they, too, could enter the organic market, so long as a few ingredients were okay to use.  The bill passed, and now the USDA Organic stamp is seen more often, especially on foods processed by major corporations.  Check your local mega-store shelves.  A lot more "organic" products, but at what cost?  Now the same mega-stores demand quantity from farmers used to providing quality, but said stores want to set their low price.  Do the small farmers have much of a choice?  To meet the demands, will their quality be the same as before?  Will their quality of life be the same?  Their code of ethics?

A long rant, I know, but it's an important issue to my family.  Our budget is tight, and we're having to pull the reins even tighter these days.  We're going to re-read Your Money or Your Life, read our Simple Dollar RSS feeds daily, and put suggestions into practice.  In doing so, however, we know that chemical-, additive-, carcinogen-free goods are what we want for our family, so that is high on our priority list.  So is education and right living.

Is this easy?  No.  Media would have you go to the store, driving the same vehicles, using the same gas, buying your same products (though now with an organic stamp on them) and spending, spending, spending.  Don't think about it too much, just "buy healthier."  If you do this, you will spend a fortune and go back to your old ways because you can't afford it . . . unless, of course, you're very affluent, in which case you especially need to think about what you are really doing.

We all have a role to play in preserving our planet.  Our kids need to learn the facts, the truths that are out there.  They need to know where things come from -- from the clothes they wear to the food they eat to the information they receive -- and not just from major corporate sponsors.  They need to know their power in their community.  They need to see us, their parents, doing what is right and playing a part in setting up a better future for them so that when it's their time, they will feel empowered to create the world they want to live in.  This is why we devote time as Earth Scouts facilitators; the program encourages and practices these principles.

Do all kids care?  Aren't they happy to eat their value meals, play their games, watch their t.v.?  What do you see around you?  How many parents do you know who are getting involved in our current crises?  Are you honestly surprised by the children's behavior?

We all have to wake up.  We can't just believe what we see on t.v. and read in the newspapers.  We have to let our consciousness rise.  We have to listen to the small voice within that tells us what is right.  We have to act on what is right so that voice will get louder until it makes it hard to do what is easy and often not in our best interest.

We have to forgive ourselves.  We've let ourselves become numb.  We let ourselves be fed untruths.  We have to forgive ourselves . . . our parents . . . our teachers.

We have to pray, read, learn, grow, work and awaken every day.  True sustainability can happen, but it will only happen one individual at a time.  It's hard but possible.  Listen to the small voice within, the Spirit that connects you to others, to the earth, to all.  Do what is right, taking one small step at a time.

I'm walking with you.

Today, my husband and I share our tenth wedding anniversary.  For a couple of young folk, being married for a decade is a big deal.  Not only does it mean that we've made it longer than most marriages in our country, but with every passing year, we're getting closer to having spent more time in our lives with each other than as a single.  Do I have any secrets to share?  Newfound wisdom?  The truth is that life holds all things before us.  It's just up to us to see what we will see, discover the reality that we choose.

As I lay sleepy in bed this morning, my husband shared his own reflection of our ten years together (though we've been together eleven and a half) as he hurriedly put on his socks and shoes.  We've been through much, watched each other grow and change, never fought or yelled at one another and continue to grow in our respect and deep love for each other.  We are partners in our journey together, and we have a conscious choice as to whether or not we enjoy our time or make each other miserable.  Fortunately for us, we enjoy good times together, with or without the kids.  Yet we also respect each other's space.  Sometimes a romantic evening is sitting in bed together reading our own books.  At our pace these days, being in the same room, quietly doing our own work while the children sleep, is bonding time for us!

Some say that their marriages dwindled after the children left the nest.  Suddenly couples find that they don't have anything to talk about with each other, nothing in common.  While I can see how this might happen, here's what I'm doing to prevent this breakdown -- keeping my own interests and sharing them with my husband.  This doesn't mean that he's involved in my activities, knows or understands them completely.  He does, however, have an idea of what I'm doing.  I tell him what meetings I'm going to, which moms/dads I'm hanging out with.  I treasure the nights we share an evening beverage and just check in with one another, even if I'm not sure what to say because I can't exactly communicate where I am; we're just together, and for the moment, that's where we need to be.

It would appear we have a pretty stereotypical marriage since I stay at home and he goes off to work all day.  However, he doesn't expect me to be subordinate to him; even the thought makes me smile.  Definitely, we have a mutual respect and sharing of the load when it comes to caring for the children and the home.  We each do what we can, when we can, and hope for the best.

But that's true for life, and what is marriage but the joining of two in life together?  As we dance along, we try not to tread on each other's toes.  We don't have to be clinging to each other the whole time, for we know that eventually we'll come back together and find our rhythm again.  We may be awkward and clumsy at times, but as we get older, our dance will only get better.  I imagine us in our 90s doing a beautiful waltz.

Happy Anniversary.   xoxoxo

Finally, we have something in our garden besides volunteers, which consisted of some sunflowers -- the first of which bloomed this morning -- some tomatoes and some sort of squash or melon (we'll know when it gets bigger leaves or its fruit).  Now we have our intentional tomatoes (the salmonella-free variety), squash, zucchini, okra, cucumbers, sweet bell peppers, and seeds for basil and cilantro and flowers, soon.


Time in the garden inevitably reconnects you to the earth.  There's rejuvenation in tending to the plants, noting the beneficial insects, removing the pesky ones (with a blessing and pardon).  Rising before the sun crests high enough to heat you through and through, it's refreshing and truly signals the start of a new day with hope and promise.  You are at the mercy of nature, lacking the control to determine exactly how the crop turns out, but if you do your best, chances are you'll be rewarded.

May we all be blessed with bountiful gardens, whether our plot is large or small, spreading across acres or spread around in containers.  Enjoy the bit of earth you are blessed to share, and tend it well.

A gardening book we were recommended and encourage others to look into as well:  John Jeavons' How to Grow More Vegetables.

The night I spent in the Orlando airport I felt vulnerable and small yet unafraid -- despite the every fifteen minute reminder that the US terrorist threat alert is a Code Orange.  While I don't want to die a fiery death any more than the next fellow, I also don't want to live in the constant worry about how my end will come.  I don't want to focus on the awful capacity humans have to inflict harm on others.  I don't want to be afraid.

As parents of an avid reader, we let ourselves get swept away in the Harry Potter phenomenon.  (Okay, so it was my decision to go ahead and see what all the hype was about after the second book came out.  Been hooked every since then.)  So, when I think of fear, I think of the grip Voldemort had over the wizarding community.  Hold on.  See me through on this one; you may have heard it before. 

The Potter books captured something in people's imaginations, in their lives.  Otherwise, it would not have been able to sell the millions/billions of copies it has.  Fear is a universal emotion, and it is one that fuels the opposition to the "good guys" in the series.  Think about it.  Voldemort's supporters either adore him or fear him; perhaps it's best a mixture of them both.  The majority of the community fears him so much that they dare not speak his name lest they summon his presence.  The "good guys" or The Order do not so much fear Voldemort as the evil that he perpetuates.  Harry and Dumbledore go so far as not even to fear Voldemort because they understand a truth.  Voldemort at his core is just a man, a man devoid of a soul, devoid of the capacity to love, which is why he is so willing and able to feed and thrive on fear.

What do we fear so much that we whisper its name.  What do you whisper to your closest companions as your greatest fear?  What sends a chill up your back?  Why do you fear it so?

I do not proclaim to be immune to fear.  There are things that make my skin crawl, my heart race.  But I catch myself asking why I let myself get so worked up.  Maybe there are ghosts.  Spiders can inflict harm (we have the harmful kind around here).  Maybe I shouldn't watch the movies that activate my imagination.

If I value my quality of life, I have a choice to make.  I can name my fears and face them bravely (as JK has suggested we do), or I can avoid them, let them rule my life.

Whether it be the spiders in my yard or countries over seas, I acknowledge the fact that I cannot determine the actions of others.  I send out the energy of love, faith and hope.  When it comes down to it, if I have a clear and open heart, then I have lived well, lived a life full of love rather than fear.  After all, isn't our capacity to love what can save us in the end?

Today was Kids' Day at our local farmer's market, and we were happy to have an Earth Scouts booth there.  Not only were we telling other folks about this great alternative scouting program, but we were encouraging them to participate in The Great Sunflower Project.  Do take a look at the site, grow some sunflowers, count some bees and report your findings.  It's a great summer project for those of you with kids old enough to understand it or at least get the general idea. 

Tomorrow we'll be visiting our local botanical garden for a music/puppet program.  The summer fun never ends!  All the while, we're getting a good dose of vitamin D, and the kids sleep well at night.

And, if you need a crafty floral idea, my mom sent me this link to make a pressed flower bookmark.  We've already bought a bunch of flower seeds.  Hopefully before the summer's over I'll be able to share some beautiful flower photos.  It would be even better to have my own flowers pressed into a bookmark.  Time will tell.

Enjoy the sunshine and watch for bees!

Trying to accomplish anything with stacks of clutter, disheveled children, dirty dishes and laundry, sentences my efforts to doom.  It is said that your home is a reflection of your inner state.  I daresay that it's not always a reflection; an external mess can wreak havoc on your internal well-being as well.

I've focused a few posts on organization.  The theme of clearing clutter holds relevance for us all in our modern society where the barrage of stuff never ends and we strive for simplicity.   Right now, actually, my house is relatively clean, but our burdens are not always of the physical sort.

We have our lists of things to do, whether written or maintained by memory (if yours is better than mine), but do you honestly have everything spelled out?  For all the things you want done or need done, do you know what your next step is?  Do you realize that all these little things are also cluttering your mind, your energy, your "playing field"?

Think of how wonderful you feel when you spend a day catching up on some of the things that you've "been meaning to do."  At least once a month, I find myself taking such a day.  It might be as simple as changing the batteries in the remote or changing the sheets, or it might be more involved as weeding the gardens, getting the oil changed, catching up on correspondences.  You may even share in the responsibilities of paying debt, reducing your carbon footprint, and being an activist in your community

Usually there is some little thing standing in our way of getting things done.  We are fond of calling them "gumption traps."  It may be that I need to buy some rechargeable batteries or hunt down some addresses.  I may not want to take the kids with me to the mechanic or do the extra laundry of the sheets.  Responsibilities may seem too great for me alone.

As I continually work to clear the house of unnecessaries, I find I need to bring more attention to the unnecessary mental clutter, too.  Often I realize that some of my mental clutter contributes to the physical clutter.  More often than not, it just takes time and that initial boost of energy to get off my duff.  Like everyone else, I'm sure, I have my fair share of creative projects and volunteer to-do's.  What I have to do is prioritize, evaluate and decide what truly needs to be done, what I want to be done and then, like I said, get off my duff and do it.

Undoubtedly, it's harder on rainy days to garner up the extra energy, but I know that the clearer my field is, the more energy I have to keep it clear and to do the things that really matter, like making sure I'm setting a good example for my kids.

Do you know people notorious for insisting on doing things themselves?  If they want something done, they really want it done their way now, and you should know how they want it done without asking lots of questions. 

Sound ridiculous?  It is, and we know it.  There is no sane, healthy way to get everything done all on your own . . . if you happen to know that sort of person . . . or be that sort of person.  A-hem.

Miracles can and do happen.  You can learn to ask and really mean it.  Often when we "ask" people or children to do something, we're really telling them to do something our way.  Truly asking someone, though, means you would like a desired result.  The means of getting there are out of your hands.

Think of asking your kids to clean their room.  You can ask them and then sit around directing them to do it, putting things where you have told them they go, or you can let them do it, perhaps given a set amount of time or pending a certain reward/consequence.  My kids need motivation.

Think of asking the Universe for financial assistance.  You can have your plan and stress through your idea of a budget and your needs/wants, or you can work diligently and listen for opportunities, follow synchronicities and trust.  (Usually it takes a combination of these things, doesn't it?)

The main lesson I've learned is that to truly reduce my stress load, it helps to just ask for help and let go of my ego enough to appreciate others' ways of doing things.  We learn so much from other people, whether they be family, friends or strangers, but we have to give them room to share their individuality, their different perspective.  Heaven forbid we discover a better way of doing something!

Our personal finances are really tight at the moment, as are most everyone's, but when I was reminded of Women's Institute, a women's retreat our church diocese has every year,  I remembered how I had promised myself I would go this year.  Would I let the cost stand in my way?  Would my husband be up for yet another weekend of me being away?

I asked.  I asked for a scholarship.  I asked my mom to take the boys for the weekend.  I asked my mother-in-law to take our oldest.  I asked my husband to just be home for the weekend with the youngest.  I asked for guidance from the universe.  (Well, the last bit is just a daily request anyway, so I don't know how much that factors in, but it never hurts.)  This weekend, I'm getting my retreat.

The more you do it, the easier it gets, but every time you're learning another lesson and growing into a more open, truly receptive person.  The next time someone asks you to do something, perhaps you can do it with an open and compassionate heart, showing them that it's okay to ask, helping them to grow, too.

I've mention Terra Studios before (they have the stone labyrinth I've shared a photo of), and today that's where we spent the morning, frolicking amongst the trolls.  It is a little world of its own and a great place to have a picnic lunch.  It's worth the drive to refresh the soul and fill your creative well.

There's a book called The Feminine Face of God which I haven't yet read but hope to do so soon.  Perhaps one day I will write a version along the same lines on my own.  My reasons for doing either or both are a long time in the making but take me along the same path.

I admit, first of all, that I take spirituality very seriously.  I also admit that I feel comfortable with organized religion -- most of the time.  When I feel discomfort, I move around until I find my next niche.  Impermanence has served my journey well.  Until recently, anyway.

I confessed to my husband I was feeling what I termed "spiritual discomfort."  I was going to services, helping with Sunday School, playing my role, but I wasn't getting fulfilled.  He told me I was out of his league trying to talk such with him.  Then I dream that I tell our rector that I'm not satisfied.  After discussion with a dear friend, I realize that the dream takes me to God, if I can be in the peace and calm that is God's presence and grace.  Finally pieces start coming together when the rector gives his sermon on one of the following Sundays.  In the sermon he talks about a friend of his who sees God as an almighty judge and thus lives with judgement.  He spoke about Gandhi who believed all were One and could exist nonviolently, living peacefully as one of a greater One.  He mentions Christ whose God was love, so Christ lived love for all.  Then he says Thomas Merton believed the divine was transparent through all beings and things, thus living a life transparent to the divine.  Crucially, the rector then asks, "What do you believe?  What do you worship?"  Because surely what we believe in so much to worship will show through in our lives.

So I wonder about what I worship.  I can't even pick a favorite book, let alone an image of God or a firm belief in God.  I wonder then if maybe this isn't part of my discontent.  I'm a person who likes to have a plan and go with it; I don't even mind if it's a draft -- just let's get started.  I'd rather make changes while doing than mull over probabilities.  I realize that in the past few months I've been modifying the Nicene Creed, adding some feminine pronouns in lieu of existing masculine ones.  That has brought some relief.  What I ultimately wonder, though, is if I fully believe in a feminine side of God.  For the longest now I've just envisioned God as a divine energy, giving everything life and substance.  Can I alter my view of the trinity to see the Holy Spirit as the Holy Mother?  Is that sacrilegious?  Obviously, my meetings with my spiritual director come at a good time, if they're not overdue.

While I have many questions that I don't expect to be answered anytime soon, I do understand a few things.  I think it's a healthy process to question and grow and change, even if eventually we change back, so long as we feel blessed in doing so.  I've followed my journey consciously for years, and I realize that natural, feminine spirituality is part of my vein of gold.  I feel I have issues with worshiping anything or anyone, so defining an image for what I "worship" is difficult.  However, I honestly believe that seeking a maternal divine is like looking for home; it feels right and good.

So, I'll continue my work as a mother and writer.  I'll carry on with my housework, children, hobbies, gardening, etc.  I'll wonder, if not marvel, at how all these acts and the consciousness therein bring me closer to the feminine side of God so that I might embody it, too.  That will be good enough for now.

A friend shared this link with me, and I quickly subscribed to the newsletter.  May you find some inspiration for your little ones, too.


Notice that she has a monthly book giveaway if you submit a photo of your crafty kids.  Good luck!

Two words:  summer vacation

Instead of retreating into the couch with a sugary coffee and some bon bons, I'm taking this challenge by the horns.  I will survive!  (Feel free to break into song and dance.)

I printed the June and July calendars, and I filled the back of one sheet with ideas and general daily outlines.  The other sheet is filled with "Expectations of Behavior," "Do These Every Day," and a list of consequences.  No, I didn't make these all up on my own.  The older two kids were right there with me.  I got their input, too, which is really crucial if you want an effective plan of action.

That said, my kids are notoriously good at the first couple of days in any new action/idea/concept/etc.  The proof will be at the end of the week and in the next eight weeks -- whether I've gone mad and if my kids are ravaged with boredom.  We have so much fun stuff planned, though, that I really don't see why it wouldn't work.

To assist others in their summer planning, I figure I'd offer our ideas for June.  Next month, I'll share July/early August.  (Their school starts back Aug. 14.)  And, just in case you're wondering, I added our "everyday" list. 

Hope this helps!  Let me know if you have other suggestions, though our calendar is quite full!  : )

Do These Every Day

• Speak kindly to everyone
• Use words, not violence
• Obey parents
• Cooperate

*yes, my kids need these reminders!

June Schedule

Monday: Cleaning day, walk to park; if finish cleaning have family movie/game
Tuesday: Morning gardening/yard work, outside play; evening at Free Geek to learn to build computers
Wednesday:  library, botanical gardens; craft time
Thursday:  play at park/mall/outing; gardening/yard work
Friday:  free play, quick clean; swim time

Activities

Week 1:  Terra Studios, weekend at gradma's
Week 2:  Vacation Bible School, weekend road trip
Week 3:  Breakfast outing, Children's dance party, movie outing
Week 4:  Blueberry picking, Magician at library, pizza party, library concert

My kids are already checking to see what's going on tomorrow.  It's nice to be able to tell them.