Everyday Simple

In the birthday card I gave my husband this year, I couldn't help but mention that when we got engaged and then married, he could not have known the people we would grow to be.  Yet here we are thirteen years later, eleven of which have been in marriage (as of tomorrow).

I heard a statistic that if you make it past the first seven years of being married, it's like making it over the hill.  Then, of course, you hear of all these marriages that crumble into divorce after up-teen years together, even 20 or 30 years.  What makes a marriage stick?

*Warning: These are non-clinical hypotheses, just a lay-woman's view.*

Marriage takes a constant flow of energy.  Hopefully this energy is given and received, given room for expansion and contraction, and allowing room for growth and change.  Oftentimes, this means we have to work at it, we have to give a little push or pull.  Some of us need lessons, as if learning to dance; each learning how to lead and how to follow.  As long as we're willing to work together in our relationship, it can thrive amazingly in any circumstance.  It can look beautiful and effortless, even be so.

There are times, however, when the flow is broken.  It can be tragic or necessary.  When I say necessary, I mean as in cases of violence (physical or emotional) or cases of distrust.  Some say time heals all wounds, but some wounds are too vulnerable for constant exposure and need to be out of a situation to be given opportunity to heal.

I consider myself blessed to be in a loving flow of energy with my husband.  Even as we're growing into who and what we want to be when we "grow up" and feel some of those growing pains, we're in it together, aware of each other as individuals and as a whole.  We are dancing, however awkwardly.  (Given our height disparity, this is a particularly funny image to me!)

This same philosophy on sacred marriage can be applied to any relationship, however large or small.  If we can be conscientious of the flow of loving energy with others, our capacity of respect and growth is amazing.  But sometimes the seemingly smallest infringement creates a dam to the flow, and sometimes even humility isn't enough to mend.  Sometimes paths have to diverge, change course -- often for the better.

Marriage is work and not work.  Marriage is sacred, and like all sacraments, there is a great underlying Mystery at its core.  What better ground to dance upon and with and through than that of Love?

Here's to many more years of beautiful music.

Like "don't sweat the small stuff," "one day at a time," and "just do it," there are slogans that some of us live by and work with.  In the current chapter of Finding Water that we're reading, one of the mantras is "easy does it."

Have you thought about how or when you use this phrase?  When I say "easy does it," I really mean, slow down, do this slowly and carefully, and don't rush it.  I only ever use it in the circumstance of some physical exertion.  If I think about what it says . . . what does it really mean?

Julia Cameron makes a case that it means if you show up daily to your artist's work, do a little at a time, don't obsess about it, don't become all-consumed by it, then you will get it done eventually.  Taking it easy gets the work done. If I apply my meaning of the phrase to artistic endeavors, I mean the same thing.  Slow down.  Don't rush the process.  Show up to do the work and let the creativity flow through you.

This doesn't mean that every time we take time to do something artsy that it will be brilliant, but it also doesn't imply that we have to be in the "mood" to create.  The more we create, the more we make ourselves available as creative channels, the more likely we are to have the strokes of "brilliance" and to see the Divine reflected in our works.  Days or years later when you reflect back on your work, you might be amazed that you really did that, that you really were a channel of the Divine, of Spirit, of Creativity.

I hope that, like me, you can accept the challenge of assuming a mantra like "Easy does it."  Pick a hobby/craft/art that you want to do, need to do, but don't make the time for because if you got in "the zone," you might neglect everything and anything for your art.  Now, make a contract with yourself that you will set aside, say, 20 minutes a day to devote to your "hobby."  Take a mommy-time-out if you need to.  I am today to write this. I told my kids it's still quiet time until I'm done writing.  We have to teach by example, my friends, and then we have to respect their time in return.  Don't expect it to be easy the first few times, either.  (I counted four interruptions from three kids.)

Twenty minutes a day, consistently if you can.  Be open.  Have fun.  Let's give Creativity some room to move.

It was my pleasure to be at a weekend women's retreat this past weekend, to go away to a mountainside campground, share a cabin with amazing women and experience the presence of Love.  Episcopal women really do have some great times, and I think it's made even better by the depth of conversation.  We're really not all that much into small talk.

The term "legalistic" has come into my consciousness these past couple of months, particularly in contrast to "spiritual."  Why is this so?  What do I have to learn from this distinction?

According to Merriam-Webster, one who is legalistic is one who adheres to moral legalism,  "strict, literal, or excessive conformity to the law or to a religious or moral code."  Whereas, one who is spiritual is one who is "relating to, consisting of, or affecting the spirit."  When I looked up the definition of "spirit," I could not in good faith attribute any of them to my interpretation of Spirit.

When I think of someone who is religious, perhaps it is because their seeming focus tends to be more heavily on the legalistic side of the see-saw.  I believe, however, that a "strict conformity" to anything has a tendency to build a box, to close some in and to keep others out.  I know few who are truly legalistic.  Most on this side are religious, "manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity . . . or devoted to religious beliefs or observances."  This person probably knows creeds and scripture by heart, can recite what they believe at a moment's notice, without hesitation.  Ah, how I admire that knowledge, that assuredness.

When I think of someone who is spiritual, I think of my experience with them, how freely the energy, the Spirit, flows between them and me.  Their very life seems to be caught up in Spirit, ever-present in all they do.  But there can be haze; it is ever-changing.  As with Merriam-Webster, the person experiencing Spirit has a hard time describing what exactly It is but knows without a doubt what the response is to it, whether it be laughter or tears, joy or uncertainty.  Indeed, it compels us forward in all we do.

Of course, I tend to find myself more spiritually inclined.  My see-saw has plunked to the ground on the spiritual side and sits there, perhaps at times stuck in the mud.  Would it be ideal to get a good balance going, to hover in the air as the scales are balanced, enjoying it as if laughing with a friend, knowing that there's really nothing to do on the stuck see-saw except someone get off, hopefully gently?  Is it better to go back and forth, appreciating the other's strength and weight, watching closely to technique lest you miss something that might enrich your own experience?

As with everything, we have to be aware.  We have to be open to each other.  We have to learn and grow.  At our core, we are all spiritual beings.  Sometimes we need beliefs to help explain ourselves, but all the time, we need to live with and through the Spirit, the Love. 

Skip the small talk.

(photo by *Claudine from everystockphoto.com)

 

In the women's spirituality group I help facilitate, we're doing what I guess you could call a series on spiritual tools for the journey.  These are a few things that, along the way, I have found to be beneficial to me for hearing the inner longings of my soul.

• Journaling  Of course, I am a writer by nature, so this one comes easily to me.  But I don't take this journaling gig lightly.  I have a dream journal, which is written in first before those slippery dreams from the subconscious slip away again.  I always date the dreams and try to mark when it's a full moon (because the dreams are usually particularly vivid and significant then for me).  After documenting the dreams, I pull out the Gratitude Journal (idea from Sarah ban Breathnach's Simple Abundance).  I list at least five things for which I'm grateful, and these range from people to things to ideas to states of being.  Lastly, there's the "morning pages" (term coined by Julia Cameron in her Artist's Way books) where I vent/muse/list/write for a while.  The goal is three pages, but sometimes three short paragraphs is all I have time for.  Some days the whole process takes about 15 minutes.  I've been known to take two hours.
• Collage  This is another process inspired by Cameron's Artist's Way.  My partner in spiritual direction and I use this tool frequently to either find where we are in the present stage in our lives or to help visualize what it is we want or need.  Collages can be done given a prompt, given a time frame or given nothing but freedom of expression.  Most recently, I collaged a manila folder, and it will store items in it particular to this phase of my life.
• Movement  When our mind and spirit are expressed through the movement of our body, when the energy is released, I anticipate great things happening.  This is an area that I hope to explore more in the future.  I hope to learn t'ai chi.  I have another woman leading this session this week, and I can't wait to see what we do, how it feels.  Honoring my body, caring for it well, is something I have to work on, but if our body is not well, we are not available to others, let alone to ourselves.  Maintaining a balance and allowing the energy to flow freely improves our overall well-being.
• Meditation  I was first introduced to sitting meditation (zazen) through a Buddhism class in college.  For this, I am ever grateful.  I went back many times to the Monday night "Journey into Silence."  I met wonderful people there, though the truth is we didn't talk all that much.  25 minutes of sitting, 10 minutes walking, 15 minutes of sitting was the schedule, if I recall correctly.  Truly, there are many forms of meditation, and I won't list technique here.  The point is silence.  Prayerful listening.  Stillness.  Quiet mind.  As busy people, sometimes we don't have hours to sit in prayer to receive guidance, to experience the presence of God, but we can bring a mindfulness into our present task.  We can do things with a full-bodied awareness that embodies stillness and with prayerful listening be able to hear the still, small voice of Spirit or to experience the joy and gladness of doing the right thing at the right time.

These are just a few of the tools that I use, some more regularly than others, of course.  I encourage you to find what you use to express yourself creatively, what helps you hear the inner voice, what helps guide and assure you in your journey, and make it a regular practice.  You are only too busy if it is not a priority.

If finding what you are supposed to be doing is a priority to you or if you want clarity on anything, you have to be still and honest with yourself long enough to glimpse the truth of the matter.  This isn't easy, but the rewards are great. 

All the rain we've been having reminds us that we are, indeed, in the midst of spring.  And the bounty of greenery, in all its shades and hues, contrasts nicely, magically against the gray skies.  I had wondered what this spring would look like after the tragic ice storm left many of the trees amputees.  I admit my shallow underestimation of nature.

Yes, you can see some of the splintered edges or the awkward, haphazard trimmings.  But the trees continue to stand as tall as they can and put forth new growth with as much determination as ever.  Where the trees were trimmed carefully, with attention, you would hardly notice anything amiss, save for the less dense canopy.  The new growth is amazing.

I might say, "Wouldn't it be nice to be a tree, where all we had to do is grow, go through the seasons, letting go and growing when it's our determined time."  But that's not all a tree does.  No two trees are exactly alike.  No breeze blows without ruffling each leaf in its own way.  Every natural event leaves its mark upon a tree's trunk, but the tree is ever adapting.  Maybe I should say, "Oh, to have the wisdom of a tree."

When I was a little girl, I remember going into the woods beyond the pasture of my grandparents farm.  I found a young maple that I sat beside and talked to at length, looking up into its branches, certain that the leaves blowing in the wind were responding just to me.  I promised to be this tree's friend.  I found a large-ish rock and put it beside the base, so I would be sure to remember which tree I had chosen.

Time passed, though, and when I returned, I wasn't sure which tree was which. There were rocks all around.  I felt bad.  I had defaulted on a friendship, and I was sure that this tree would certainly remember who I was, was probably watching me circle around and around, aching that I couldn't hear and feel.

Maybe I had read The Giving Tree too many times.  Maybe I was personifying the tree too much.  But I don't think so.  Even now, when I need to be grounded, I see myself as a tree.  When I need to disperse extra energy or receive it, I can exchange with the trees.  I've not forgotten the relationship one can have with the trees, and I have a special place in my heart for maples.

The trees are beautiful and have much to teach us.

adjective : made or done the same way as an original : true to one's own personality, spirit, or character

I don't take for granted the fact that it is a luxury to do inner work, to find who it is I really am, whom I've been created to be.  Surely if I lived in a region where to survive was the daily goal, my focus would entirely be to secure water, shelter, food, safety.  Hopefully I could do so with a content heart, not bitter at my lot in life.

This life I've been given, however, is a comfortable one, my basics assured (relatively).  I don't have to dwell solely in my external life, the physical.  I do have a responsibility to keep a healthy demeanor, to care for my body, but even to that extent, I have been richly blessed.  I have food, sanitation, water and medical care -- all things to keep me healthy and lead toward a long life.

The very substance of my being, though, the undercurrent of my life, is the steady stream of Spirit, the flow of Love that has been ever-present.  The drop that was given to me to begin this life has continued to grow and swell, and now it is time to release the flood gates, to pour that wealth into the receiving bowls of others.  It's a beautiful energy to share.  It needs no words, only an open heart.  Of course, as a writer, I will share my experiences through words, as meager as they might seem, to offer to others to read or hear.  In some ways, that will do.

All this comes to mind after starting a new childbirth class last night with parents eager and willing to learn, sitting at dinner with a group of passionate, open, honest women, and sharing coffee, dessert and soulful conversation with a dear friend who, like me, is finding that she's doing what she's meant to be doing, even if she doesn't know exactly how it will work or where it will lead.

There's a happiness that fills my heart and brings a smile to my face.  Surely this is what it feels like to be authentic, to live connected to, with and through that drop of the Divine.

photo from everystockphoto.com by Katia

I've been wanting an awesome shirt pattern.  I was catching up on one of my fave blogs, and saw the shirt!  Leave it to SouleMama (who also has some great photos, as ever).  She got the pattern from the book Weekend Sewing, which I've seen before, recommended on Sew, Mama, Sew.  I may have to pick it up at our local bookstore sooner than later.

The past couple of weeks have included some crafty projects.  For the women's retreat, I got to

• make placecards, which instead of using the traditional folded placecards, I used pre-cut bookmarks, decorated with stamps and tied with a ribbon.  (I would post a photo but can't seem to find my bookmark at the moment!) 
  
• host a blessingway, and I printed the program on vellum, attaching it to pretty printed paper with flower brads.
• make a couple of beaded necklaces (literally, I just made 2-4, while the other two ladies did about 12 each!).
  

When it comes to crafting, our projects don't have to be large or perfect.  It's taking the time to release some creative energy for the sake of doing something good.  That's all.

May we all take more time to do some good things.

Especially as mothers, we have a way of making things difficult.  In moments where all we need is clarity of purpose, we remember, as a friend of mine recently did, that we just have to make sure our kids stay alive, preferably safe and secure as well.  To this, however, we add layers of cleanliness, thriving, excellence . . . overall perfection in all areas. 

This perfectionism invades all areas of our lives.  We create for ourselves an inner censor that reminds us every time we visualize a goal that we probably won't/can't/shouldn't do it and points out that we can't/don't achieve what is perfect.  I am completely projecting here.  This is one aspect of my personal censor.

I recently did an exercise where I had to describe my censor, sketch a cartoon of her.  I highly recommend this.  Remember, if you can name it, you can know it, and you can see how truly ridiculous it is.

In another exercise where I had to describe who I am (from the third person), my inner critic appeared again.  In everything I want, in all I do, I will never be good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, etc., etc.  My strong, true inner voice immediately countered.  Of course Sara's not perfect, but God is.  If all I am is a channel for God's love, then that's good enough.  There's nothing more perfect than that.

So, in all things, in all aspects of life, all I have to do is live, believing that to Love is my purpose and living into that purpose.  This is clarity.  When I close the door to this love, I mess up.  This is part of suffering.  I can even lock the door and keep it closed, but I always have the key, no matter how hard it might be to find.    

We need to remind each other of this sometimes, remind each other that our jobs are really quite simple.  We are all called to love and to serve, with gladness and singleness of heart.

The books I'm reading have changed somewhat in the past couple of months, and I thought I might share what those are in case any of you are looking for a new read.  A word of caution, though, is due because my reading these days isn't particularly light and may result in spiritual growth.  Brace yourself.

I finished Parker Palmer's Let Your Life Speak.

I'm dreadfully behind in Joyce Rockwood Hudson's Natural Spirituality for the book study I'm in, but I just read a most fascinating description of myself.  I'm compelled to finish reading it, even at my own pace.  This book, I may have already mentioned, is largely about Jungian psychology entwined with Christianity.  It encourages our listening to our dreams, being aware of synchronicities, and being conscious of how the unconscious is being revealed to us.

My friend and I are using Julia Cameron's Finding Water as we continue our journey together of self-discovery.  This is the third and last of the Artist's Way series (the first two being The Artist's Way and The Vein of Gold).  I highly recommend these books for artists and non-artists alike to help in finding what your inner critic looks and sounds like to help you overcome those inner blocks.

I've just recently picked up (having been recommended highly by someone I trust) L. William Countryman's Living on the Border of the Holy and am already compelled by what he shares.  He's basically voicing that we all have a fundamental priesthood, a responsibility to help reveal to others the secrets of the Holy to which we individually experience and know, and I'm just in the first chapter.

In my knitting bag is Beverly Galeskas Felted Knits.  It was time to start another knit project because it's good for me to keep my hands busy.  (I don't yet have the yarn needed for my husband's Dr. Who scarf!)  One of these days I may be able to knit and pray, but following a pattern means I'm having to focus on counting.  Mindfulness is a good thing, too.

It's shaping out to be a perfectly rainy weekend, so hopefully I'll have time to delve deeply into a book or two and/or knit a while.  May your weekend be so blessed.

(Homily I offered on Sunday, April 26th, 2009, at the Time for JOY retreat, Camp Mitchell.  The theme of the weekend was "Birthing the Woman Within."  I'm sorry that I can't invoke the waves of emotion, the movement of Spirit here that was present at the mountain chapel.  Thanks be to all.)

I love that Time for JOY is during the Easter season.  Now is a time when we are still new in the remembered contemplation and sacrifice of Christ; our alleluias are still fresh.

This JOY weekend, I've talked mostly about the Yourself of J.O.Y.  For the full JOY, we also need Jesus and Others.  In our daily lives, we are pretty well-trained.  We're good girls when it comes to helping out when needed . . . as long as it's for someone else.  We focus so much on You here at JOY because you are more likely to neglect yourself than others, but you have to remember that the better cared-for you are, the better the quality of service you provide.

And Jesus?  Well, if we're not likely to care for ourselves, how much more likely are we to spend precious time on someone who doesn't seem to play an active role in daily life?

Therein lies the rub.

We are sisters in Christ.  We are daughters of God.  There's a suffering Jesus endured for us to show us true peace.  There's the spark within us that is also of God, of Christ.  Our seed of potential and purpose is none other than that which exists in Jesus, of God.  The potential remains in each of us to live fully as a child of God, but how willing are we to step forth and call God ours?  How willing are we to see the risen Christ in each other?  How willing are we to believe in miracles?   Would we have been any less disbelieving and wondering in the presence of the resurrected Lord?

The woman you've been coaxing out of hiding is "the deep root of your being," your inner Jesus, the one willing to claim God, the one that is Whole, the One.  In our human form, our best is to love others as we love ourselves, but only if we know who we really are.  Given a purpose to Love, we are also given talents and gifts with which to do this.  There are ways our seemingly trivial work creates more positive energy in the Universe, thus creating more love.  Don't ask me to explain it because I don't understand it, but it works.  So what brings us joy is important.  We have our thread in the beautiful cosmic tapestry.  To know ourselves is crucial, tantamount to Love.  When we know, feel and trust the love of God within, then truthfully we can witness to others as we extend the blessing of Christ that "peace be with you."  It's not solely about the fact that Jesus died.  I tell my kids Jesus is in their heart.  He's in mine and yours, too.  It's about life -- living and loving.

Presiding Bishop Katherine Jefferts Schori reminds us of our responsibility.  "We're meant to be heralds of resurrecion to a world that still thinks death is the last word."

Birth is an everyday miracle.  I believe in miracles.